Psychopomp

above picture:”What the handpuppet saw”)

(originally posted 2/19/2009)

I’m just composing this one ‘on the fly’ right now, at the ole SFPL, but I just found myself pondering some strange thoughts just now, so here I will try making sense of them.

Ever since I was a very small child I could sense something above me, too my left, I think, something that was always bored and watching me, something that seemed ancient, ageless.

I never gave it much thought, but it always seemed to be there.

When I was 17 I was over at a friend’s house, and I drew picture of the Beatles while I was wide on Acid. I called it, “What the Hand-Puppet Saw” (I, of course, was the hand-puppet. Even then, I was aware that I was being controlled by megalomaniacs with questionable ethics). In the upper right-hand corner I drew this thing, it looked like a funny looking old man, with a huge goiter on his neck, his elbow resting on a sort of shelf, his head propped up on his hand, up in the right-hand corner, bored, watching all the madness I had created.

When I used to stay up for days at a time, tweaking, I could sense, what I then felt was an ‘infernal presence’ watching what I was creating from over my left shoulder. I understood this to be the Devil himself, and paid no further attention to it after I felt I had settled on what it was.

Back in High school, a friend of mine, Kirk, told me it was my soul.

Now, however, this sense of always being watched by something either bored or with ill intent, well, I can’t help but think it’s everybody involved with this television/internet presentation. Both those behind it as well as the avid watchers. Hard to believe it goes that far back though. Possibly when I was young it represented parental supervision and concern, and later on became the evil eyes of the public? I really don’t know, but I’ve ALWAYS sensed eyes upon me, even when alone, and I really don’t think it’s Jesus.